


I Smile At All My Enemies

by bananainatree



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mob, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mention of Character Death, carlos is the bad guy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:47:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26794630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bananainatree/pseuds/bananainatree
Summary: It's the beginning of the end for Kimi. He knows he's going to die soon, he knows Carlos will be the one to put the bullet in his head. Perhaps he deserves it, he did let them kill his husband afterall.
Relationships: Fernando Alonso/Kimi Räikkönen
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	I Smile At All My Enemies

Kimi has killed people. This is a simple undisputed fact. He has killed in self-defence, he has killed in retaliation, he has killed people simply because it is easy. He has done things that are unspeakable. Unspeakable things that didn’t even make him flinch. He has watched as people have died. He has stood by and watched people he cared about die. He has given up everything for this organisation. These are all facts that make him ruthless. With all of this knowledge, Kimi would have hoped that it would be enough to keep his place at the table.

He’s been here longer than most of them. He’s watched as leaders clawed their way to the top, then as they were viciously yanked away from power. He’s watched as an empire rose to glory with him helping keep it there. There was once a time, where he thought that he would be the one to take over. That all his hard work, time and loyalty would pay off. That naturally everyone would agree. Of course, he was wrong. Personal politics got in the way. Kimi’s only mistake had been who he blindly trusted. He will never make that mistake again. He may not be the man sitting on the throne, but he was the most dangerous man in the room and that should mean something.

The organisation was going through a turbulent time. It had been for some time, Kimi would rather not think about what had caused it. The last of Kimi’s mistake echoing through the halls, a constant reminder of how even he wasn’t infallible. Perhaps, it was better that his short-lived dream of becoming leader never came to fruition, otherwise he definitely would be dead. He was going to end up dead soon regardless. He could see it coming.

Things change fast around there. All it takes is a single bullet to change everything. So much had changed, he was the oldest now. He had seen and done far more than most of the younger members sitting at the table ever would. They still had to earn his respect. They still have to prove themselves. If it had been up to Kimi they wouldn’t even be sitting at the table. Personal issues aside, Max and Carlos shouldn’t even be allowed near the door when they had meetings, let alone sitting at the table making decisions.

They were both young, arrogant, and thought they knew more than they actually did. It was infuriating. Sure, Max wasn’t as useless as Carlos was. There was an edge to Max that reminded Kimi of someone he used to know. With the proper training and conditioning, Max could become not useless. Carlos though, Carlos was going to get Kimi killed. This was also a fact. The easiest way to prove yourself to an organisation who doesn’t trust you, is to find the mole in the organisation, offer them to the leader on a platter and then kill them. Carlos did exactly that and his only obstacle had been Kimi.

Now, Carlos had his seat at the table and a lifelong grudge. Kimi had been around long enough to know that Carlos would do whatever it took to prove he was far more capable than Kimi ever had been. Which usually wouldn’t bother Kimi, aside from the fact the ramifications of Kimi’s mistake were still being felt amongst them and Carlos was not afraid to voice that every chance he had. Kimi knew that it was only a matter of time before his usefulness ran out. Sebastian could only keep protecting him for so long.

Kimi stares at the wall behind Lewis’ head, trying his hardest to ignore the glare that Carlos is sending him from across the table. He’s not listening to what Lewis is saying, he doesn’t need to. He knows that if it’s important enough, Sebastian would kick him under the table to make sure he was listening. He just stares at the wall and tries his hardest not to pull his gun out and shoot Carlos. He doesn’t because that means he’ll definitely get killed and Carlos’ theory of Kimi being in on the betrayal would have grounds for being true.

After the meeting he did not listen to, he was halfway to his car when Jenson caught up with him. Catching his elbow, holding him in place. Jenson was probably one of the two people Kimi still trusted. He wasn’t happy about it. Jenson was the only person who had been there longer than Kimi, he was also the only person who had sided with Kimi when everything went wrong. The only person who still might painfully ache like Kimi does when he thinks of that day. So, instead of pushing him away like Kimi would usually do when he was in a rush to get home, he gave Jenson his attention.

“Carlos spent thirty minutes in Lewis’ office earlier.” This was why Kimi could trust Jenson because he thought Carlos was a little shit too. When Kimi doesn’t say anything, Jenson just frowns, “Kimi, don’t end up like Fer-”

Kimi has him up against the wall with an arm crushing his throat before he can even blink.

“ _Don’t_.” Kimi hisses at him.

All Jenson can do is frantically tap his hand against the arm crushing his throat. The cloud of violent fury that took over Kimi so quickly, vanishes. He drops his arm, pushing himself up against the opposite wall. He should apologize, but he can’t, the words don’t want spill out. He’s raging at even the thought of a reminder, he clenches his fists to stop them from actually hitting Jenson, who has a hand clutching his abused throat, panting hard.

“Kimi, you need to talk to Seb before this gets out of hand again.”

“He can’t do anything Jenson. Not anymore.” Kimi leans back on the wall, tucking his hands into his trouser pockets. Then, he says the words he hasn’t dared to think out loud, “If there was a vote right now, I’d be dead.”

The look on Jenson’s face would have been amusing, if it hadn’t been a confirmation of what he already knew. His impending doom should’ve been depressing, but Kimi had been coming to terms with it for a while now. He wasn’t that bothered about it. From the moment everything transpired months ago, he knew it was only a matter of time before it was his head on a platter. He had lost everyone’s trust. Even though he had done nothing wrong, even though he had stood by and let them destroy his life. They still doubted him and that was enough ammunition for Carlos to get rid of his only opposition.

“Go home Jenson. Don’t worry about it, I’m not.”

When Jenson doesn’t say anything, Kimi just nods in his direction before carrying on down the hallway. He’s going to go home, he’s going to order dinner and then he’s going to sleep for ten hours. Maybe even twelve. If he was going to die soon, he might as well be well rested when he does. That’s what he thinks as he drives home, he’s going to die soon. Carlos will put the bullet in him and that thought makes Kimi want to put the bullet in his own head.

The moment he steps through the door, he knows there’s someone in his apartment. It’s no one life threatening because anyone smart enough would have shot him there. Kimi assumes it’s Sebastian. Worried about him, sensing his upcoming demise like Jenson does. So, Kimi shrugs his suit jacket off, leaving his shoulder holster on, tossing it onto the table as he walks further into the apartment. Next, he undoes his cufflinks and pushes up his shirtsleeves up until they’re at his elbows.

Then, he turns into the living room expecting to find Sebastian in the chair in the corner by the bookcase, he has to stop. What he has to do is steady himself against the doorframe. He’s pretty sure he must have died. Someone must have killed him, and he didn’t notice because sitting in the chair in corner by the bookcase is not Sebastian but his very dead husband. The same, very dead husband, that got him into all this mess.

“Get yourself a drink Kimi, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Yes, that’s definitely Fernando sitting in the godforsaken chair. Only Fernando would be dead for a year, turn up out of the blue and say something completely unnecessary.

Kimi doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know whether he wants to kill him himself properly, cry, or scream at him until he’s blue in the face. He doesn’t know how to feel. Two minutes ago his husband had been dead. He had watched Carlos kill him. He had seen that. He forced himself to let it happen. He mourned Fernando when he wasn’t allowed to. He had never forgiven himself for it. Kimi, two minutes ago was prepared to die because the organisation he had sworn his life to, tore his life apart and was willing to side with a snide, cocky little shit over him.

Now, Fernando was sitting in the chair Sebastian brought him because Kimi needed a chair in that corner apparently. Fernando was sitting in the chair in the apartment Kimi brought because he couldn’t sleep in their house alone anymore. Fernando was smiling at him from the chair, like he hadn’t been dead for a year, like Kimi didn’t have a box of pictures in the bottom of his closet that he hadn’t looked at in a year because Fernando was dead, and it hurt.

“I hoped that you would turn up like this, this is my favourite look on you.” Fernando says it with a smile, using the voice he used to use when he was trying to seduce Kimi. All Kimi does is stare at him, his brain can’t compute what he’s seeing. Fernando is dead, only he’s not dead. He’s sitting in the chair in Kimi’s living room talking, “The only thing that could make this look better is if you were a bit bloody.”

All sorts of memories flash through Kimi’s mind. Memories that had no right making a reappearance right now. Not happy ones, that made Kimi’s heart skip a beat and his stomach tight. Not when everything had been distinctly not happy for so long now. So, Kimi carries on staring. This can’t be real. It can’t be. Fernando is dead. Kimi watched him die. That’s a fact. Kimi’s depressed. He’s been depressed since Fernando died. That’s a fact too. Now, his own death is approaching quickly and he’s imagining his dead husband because why wouldn’t he? That makes sense. Except Fernando is standing up from the chair.

Fernando is standing in the middle of Kimi’s living room, the light of the sunset leaking in through the windows, dancing around Fernando’s face. Kimi watches as Fernando holds out his hand for Kimi to take. He’s still smiling at Kimi. Smiling at him like a year hadn’t passed and he wasn’t dead. A decision gets made in that moment. Kimi takes a shaky breath, still not quite believing what he’s seeing. He shuffles further into the room from the doorway, he’s standing in front of Fernando, watching the way his eyes light up as Kimi stops in front of him.

Then, Kimi punches Fernando square in the face. The feeling of fist meeting nose shakes Kimi to the core. Fernando is apparently very much real and not a figment of Kimi’s delusion, which meant that Fernando was very much alive. He can only stare in horror as Fernando reels back from the punch. His hands moving to clutch his bloody nose. Fernando is alive. That can’t be possible. How is that even possible? Kimi doesn’t even have time to question it because the second he hears Fernando curse in Spanish, still bent over clutching his bloody nose, Kimi collapses to the floor. Laughter bubbling out of him, the tears following soon after.

Through his blurry vision, Kimi can see Fernando moving to kneel down between Kimi’s sprawled out legs. When he’s close enough, Kimi hits him again. Punches him hard in the shoulder, then in the chest, then in the other shoulder. He hits him over and over again. Fernando sits back and lets him, as he should. He deserves a lot worse, Kimi thinks through the hysteria, he deserves so much worse. He let Kimi think he was dead. He let Kimi drown without him.

He doesn’t know how long he hits Fernando for. He’s exhausted. His arms hurt. Everything hurts. His brain is fried. Fernando is alive. Fernando is alive. Fernando is alive. It keeps spinning around his head. He’s alive and in kneeling in front of him. He wraps his arms around Fernando’s shoulders, holding him close for the first time in a year. Hesitantly, Fernando twists his arms around Kimi’s body holding him tight, like he might slip out of his grip. Kimi won’t. He’s never going to let go of Fernando again and he’ll kill Fernando properly himself if Fernando lets go first.

“I got blood on your shirt.” Kimi snorts, of course, Fernando ruins everything. He can’t even hold his not dead husband for five minutes after a year of nothing.

Kimi leans back, his arms fall from Fernando’s shoulders. He curls his hands into the front of Fernando’s suit jacket. Fernando is real. Fernando is alive. He’s kneeling in Kimi’s living room. Kimi is touching him. Kimi still doesn’t know how to feel. It’s a lot to comprehend. He’s happy. He’s relieved. He’s furious. He’s murderous. Kimi doesn’t know what to feel. What does know, is that Fernando is alive and he’s touching Kimi’s face.

Fingertips brush down the side of Kimi’s face, touching delicately the space they hadn’t touched in a year. All Kimi can do is grip Fernando’s jacket tighter until his knuckles are white. He can’t let Fernando slip through his fingers again. Fernando’s hands stop, cupping his face. Kimi is staring again. He can’t believe it. Fernando is alive. He’s looking at Fernando’s face. Exactly the same as it was a year ago, except a scar now belongs there. The scar that decorates the right side of his forehead. The scar that reminds Kimi of the bullet he let Carlos put in his love.

“You’re dead.” Is what Kimi decides to lead with. He doesn’t know what else to say. Fernando was dead and now he’s not.

The way Fernando grins at him, all teeth, makes Kimi’s chest tight like it used to, “Legally yes, physically no.”

“I hate you.” Kimi means it. He spent a year sleepwalking through guilt and grief only for Fernando to be alive and well. It’s cruel. Maybe he deserves it, but it’s been horrific.

“I know.” He says it in such a small voice, Kimi almost doesn’t hear him. Fernando feels the pain Kimi feels too. United in their grief. Kimi wants him to explain, he wants to know why? But he can’t ask. The words can’t flow out. Fernando’s hand is in his hair, like it used to. He can’t believe Fernando is alive.

Kimi uncurls one hand from Fernando’s suit jacket, laying it flat on his chest. Feeling his heartbeat through the white shirt, “Why are you here? Why now? Why not a year ago?”

“Well, I thought I was very dead too. Imagine my surprise when I wake up in hospital, alive. I didn’t know what to do. You weren’t there.” Kimi’s eyes flutter back to the scar, “I got up and left and thought what now? I wanted to come back and shoot you myself for letting them do that to me. I wanted to kill everyone. But, I couldn’t. You were safer without me coming back. They would have killed you if they thought you kept me alive. They would have killed you.”

“They’re going to kill me anyway.”

“I know!” Fernando’s nostril’s flare in rage. Kimi’s seen this look before. He’s seen the horrors a homicidal Fernando can cause, “Carlos lied and manipulated everyone a year ago. He’s had everyone there in the palm of his hand. I’ve been hearing things. Hearing that it’s only a matter of time before you follow your traitor husband to the grave. I won’t let that happen.”

Kimi can’t help the grin that spreads across his own face for the first time that night. He loves this man. He’s loved him for so long, it feels like forever. He’s only missed him in the year that’s gone by. It only makes sense when he finally pulls Fernando into the kiss he’s been craving for a year. Nothing has changed. This is Kimi’s favourite feeling in the world. Feeling Fernando’s mouth against his. Frantically taking what they want. He’s waited so long. It feels so right. He never wants to stop.

When they finally part, both panting for air, smiling at each other. Finally getting to slide back together after being torn apart. Fernando takes both of Kimi’s hands in his, “I wanted to come back. I didn’t know how long I had been unconscious. I wanted you to be there. I wanted to keep you safe more. I couldn’t come back, not when Carlos has my seat at the table. Not when we don’t have enough allies to make sure we’ll stay alive.”

“We really should have listened to Mark when he told us we’d never survive if we didn’t have friends.” Kimi muses, smirking when Fernando pulls a disgusted face at the mere mention of his former friend.

“We don’t need friends. We never have. We survived because we are the best.” Kimi hums in agreement, even though they did in fact have friends in the form of Jenson and Sebastian. Fernando was right, they were the best, “I’m not going to let some little shit destroy us.”

Kimi can’t help the laugh that bursts from his chest, “I thought he was your protégé.”

Fernando’s frown is worth it, he shoots a glare at Kimi and it feels like nothing has changed. Kimi feels whole again for the first time in months, “Kimi, mi amor, please.”

He leans forward pressing a kiss to his husband’s mouth. He can do that now. Kiss his husband again. His husband was alive, and Kimi could lean forward and kiss him whenever we want. Just like he used to.

“So, you’ve come back to save me. You’ve heard that Carlos plans to make a move again. A move to get rid of me and you’re back.”

“You have a choice to make. We go. We leave and never come back. They will never find us, and we can live together until we die in our bed of old age. Or, we take back the power we once had. We prove Carlos to be the liar he is and once everyone sees him for his lies and manipulation, we kill him.”

The look Fernando gives him is deliciously nefarious. God, Kimi’s missed him.

They both already know what Kimi’s answer will be.


End file.
